a-titled

The amazing adventures of the amazing man called Jo

All the troubles begun, when one very hot day, Jo decided to go for swimming and thus he jumped out his window to run away from his flying boomerang, but he didn’t managed the task quite well and so he threw back his other boomerang made out of paper, which by amazing chance he had kept in his left pocket just in case and yes, this was the case, so he could easily consider himself as a very lucky man; It was then however, when Jo got abducted by aliens, who apparently were jealous of his gorgeus paper boomerang; besides, he had formed this slight suspision a long time ago, when they started leaving threteaning messages on his phone and thus he simply microwaved his phone, but that got them totally insane over Jo and that’s why they decided to abduct him -leaving it all to make sense as you can see clearly so far by the way- but abducted Jo didn’t felt quite comfortable with the decoration in the alien chambers and so he had to propel himself back to earth and then all of a sudden somewhere inbetween stratosphere, his forgotten boomerang came back to him and it poked his eye out. So he had to abort the mission and wait a long time because his vision got damaged. As soon as his eye got well, he landed on the streets and started to run and so he ran and he run and he run until he found the closest beach and then he swam across the world; thus he swam and he swam and he swam until whilst swimming he got eaten by a fish which got eaten by a penguin which got eaten by a seal which got eaten by a dolphin which got eaten by a shark which got eaten by whale. Then, naturally, he tried to get out of the whale and swim back home, but it was then, when he got round house kicked 3 galaxies away by Chuck Norrris who happened to surf nearby and so Jo had to walk back because 3 galaxies away is somewhat a long distance and yes i know that it’s not possible to walk in space and this explains how shortly after he got stuck in time and at that moment, a man named Peter who was passing by, saw Jo and thought Joe was a chair and sat on him. A month passed by like that, until a somebody who apparently also  got round house kicked 3 galaxies away by Chuck Norrris who happened to do something nearby, was passing by and saw chair-Jo under Peter and thought chair-Jo was Elvis and reported him to a famous music producer from Japan. So Jo flew all the way to Japan, where he became famous until someone else discovered that he was actually Jo and not Elvis and definetely not chair-Jo this time and thus the famous music producer went quite mad with Jo over this unwanted surprise and kicked Jo all the way back home. However, it was a long flight back and unfortunately, poor Jo died from hunger whilst floating in the air, which made things really difficult for him, as he really wanted to go for swimming, but he had to dig his way from under the ground for that and so he did, but at the very last moment, as ironic as it may sound, he found out that he got selected to be in the hunger games and this was not a chance that could be ignored just like that but…. he.. um.. you know what happened?..he was defeated right from the first round and died for a second time realising that things didn’t exactly went as planned for him and from his grave he yelled in utter despair “I didn’t get to swim you morons! Are you happy now? and if you must know, I’m not dead enough yet, you filthy bastards! I will come back! just wait and see..Just you wait-and-see!..”

suicide

“That’s it!” said Patricia.. “I can’t bare this any longer; the lighted surname migrates right now!” said she and threw herself out of the window. She lived in the basement..

a dialogue

-I’m sorry.. At the top it says: “OMG I have been offended’. … Tell me what you think

-A wise man once said, “I don’t know, go ask a woman.” p.s. I’m not “offended” by what he said, but we never opened our insides. For our insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.I’m not so good with the advice. can i interest you in a sarcastic comment?

-….. Omg this is so hilarious! Do you REALLY think ESPN said this out of hate for Lin’s race?

 -I’m not a sports writer, so I tried to avoid the whole Linsanity phenomenon;

-my …and imagined that some might find it funny, yet I was quite offended by the distasteful “chink in the armor” line.

-I don’t know, I think he said something about retracing our steps to make sure we weren’t being followed? but it shouldn’t take this long since last we met

- nice try but no. we have to be careful to not become too popular  and I think if you talk to most parents, they’ll tell you Steve and sorry brother but unlike you, most of us here don’t have to say “thanks” to God or the closeness you feel out of bed and being close to God does bring Atheists, don’t be offended ,because men prefer sex in this order: 1) good sex, 2)any sex.

- I’m NOT master of my domain sex.

-I see.

-Yes. 49 months and that was a very long time ago..

-I can imagine.

bad news

At his death Thomas had almost nothing to leave to his sons and the family had to eat rats and Gareth David-Lloyd, another renowned fan of James in the horror and fantasy genre who himself ate Clark  and it would be set to music or so he claimed before he got eaten. What could they do though? Life is hard. innit

OMG not another panic attack?

When after a long period of time, I realised that I was attracted to someone that may have had absolutely no sense of humor, the very first instruction that stroke my innocent female mind was..”ok..allright..Now listen to me carefully D!..We can handle this! I repeat: we-can-handle-this..whatever you do, just DON’T panic you bastard! don’t you panic..this too shall pass..!” and then after taking a few short breaths into a paper bag, I closed my eyes and finally allowed myself to relax in a lotus position repeating periodically “this is not your fault..this is not your fault..this is not your fault..” 

mr.Yamazuki and his newspaper

It was another ordinary  morning in the ordinary day of an ordinary man, mr.Yamazuki, who stepped out of his ordinary office for just a moment, to buy his ordinary newspaper and grab an ordinary donut with that ordinary chocolate filling, on his way back to the desk. Nothing would go out of order for mrYamazuki, until the moment he saw the headlines on the fronpage of the newspaper while taking the first little bite of his favorite donut, which headlines said “don’t even expect anything to change in an ordinary  manner of a nature as such..”

“Fucking establishment..!” said mrYamazuki and put away his donut on a napkin in utter disgust, as the shocking news made him loose his appetite!

about Martin

She was looking at him with eyes filled with love…

“Oh Martin….oh..look at you!….” she said, shaking like a lief due to her unbearable desire!

Martin smiled right back at her, proud for his looks and confident per usual about his outrageously gorgeous sexappeal! Yes, he was quite splendid and the son of a bitch, knew it!

“Why oh why did you have to go on being so perfect? Ah!” exclaimed she in utter admiration….

“Well…” started the perfect Martin raising his amazingly handsome face to have a look at the ceiling…”Cos someone had to!”

one very short story

Once upon a time, a noble blu-eyed giant shrinked himsellf into a scary little angry man.

What do you want from me now?

I cannot stretch this story into any longer, any longer.

what was on Oprah the night that mysterious man called me…

yes…we were at the point where I said about the mysterious man and his mysterious phonecall…

ok let’s get to the point briefly!

So, on Oprah that night, there were two really nice ladies, who were married to a man. Yes! To “ey” man!!!…The case was that he commited a fraud..he married both of the women -seperately marriges of course- approximately at the same time! They were unaware though of each other’s existance. There lied the problem and since they couldn’t solve the issue,  they decided to seek for allmighty public justice at Oprah’s! Anyway, you know how this kind of shows are, right?Usually Oprah plays the part of the judge where she asks the guest questions like : why did you do it? etc…of this nature. The poor guy said he was sorry, but he loved them both as much! He said he was in the terrible dilemma in which he just couldn’t choose between them, so he decided to marry both! The female audience was ready to throw stones, chairs, pearls even at him at any second! Come now ladies, that’s not all so fair, i thought…cos, despite of the result, he did one good thing- he was fair between them, cos, yes sir, what’s right, is right! Thing now was…what were his victims to say about all this? Well, they were devastated!The back ground was them going crazy with the usual rutine “son of bitch how could you do this to us?” , “you piece of filth” and other necessarily for the moment juicy synonyms of such nature. Right after that, when they saw him cry like an abandoned child, they calmed down, and  both admitted that they still loved the bastard (that was the exact words..yes) and then they also strated to cry. Watching all of them cry, made me cry as well! God! the whole audience was crying it’s eyes out! (Oprah was calm though)The cameramen, the director and even the floor manager shed quite an amount of tears for god’s sakes! When the whole crying process reached it’s peak, we stepped right away to the most exciting part, where it’s Oprah’s turn to manage somehow giving a solution to yet another gigantic problem! For the precious moments like this, is why I so love this woman, cos wise Oprah always comes up with the best answers for just about anything! For this case, since the husband wanted both of his wives back and non of the wives wanted a divorce in return, she advised them to simply cut him in half, exactly where his bellybutton was, so that each of the wives could have a piece of him, giving also their husband the advantage to be with both of them (but seperately) as he wanted in the first place, in which case, this golden solution, should leave everybody be, happily ever after! Everybody clapped their hands and whistled in a joyful manner as the man’s belly was cut in two! Problem solved, right? Well, that’s what we all thought! But alas dear reader! Why on earth did she ever say that??? This now brought a whole new pandemonium in the studio, between the two wives, as they both demanded the half from the waist  and below!!!

I had never seen Oprah that shocked upon a statement! It was a historical event of biblical proportions, for all of us stunned viewers to witness!!

From an essential humanstic point of view, anybody could understand their point, at this point, but unfortunately, at that very same point, still-in-shock Oprah called for a break so the show is to be continued next week, leaving all of us hangin at the edge of our seats, biting our nails and whatnot, in tremendus agony!!

to my big surprise

The doorbell rang. I rushed to open the door. It was Alex.

She looked so sad! I invited her in. She started to talk right away..

“Every time I go to the fund, I return emptyhanded.

Why should I try just one more time?

To return emptyhanded encore une fois?”

Indeed it was a problem! I could totally relate to that, so I didn’t quite knew what  to say other than..

“Maybe you should cut them dam hands off for a change and save yourself from extra trouble.Maybe that’s the best option..”

“I wonder what would Oprah suggest?” she said.

“That’s the time one calls Oprah, definetely, that’s the time” I told her.

We sat like that for almost an hour and then she left.