a-titled

Ricky and Mona

Ricky got back from the pub absolutely hammered, to find his wife sitting on the couch, obviously waiting for him. The not so pleasant strickt look on her face, freezed him. Nevertheless, he decided to play it cool. Thus, he put his foot in the water.

-Mona….

Mona said nothing.

-Mona…..ahm…..precious pearl, what are you doing up so late?

Mona said nothing

-Mona, me dear, me angel sent on earth you savior….me love….

Mona said nothing

-Mona…..ahm…..darling, you shouldn’t have kept waiting on me…

No reply..

-Had a few drinks….the usual….I….well, you know me…hahah

Still nothing from Mona

-Mona!

No response whatsoever.

-Mona! Darling! say something at the least….don’t just stare at me. You’re gonna open a hole right through me with that look, you know..I can feel it coming..ah the pain!

Yet Mona said nothing.

-Mona, please, say just one word….come now kitty..

Nop! Nothing from Mona.

-Woman! That was no request- it was an order from the captain of this ship- the leader of this pack! I, as a man, demand to be treated respectfully, no matter the circumstances, as such!

Mona obviously was not moved.

-Monaaa…..camaaaan……I was just kidding…..hehe…you didn’t fall for that, did you? hehe..hm..

No response.

-Babe? you so hot when you’re so silent and all mysterious…o god! naughty girl!

That wouldn’t help either, as Mona stubborn as hell, still kept the silence of stone.

-When you give me that look…don’t give me that look! I’d rather be shot down by a bunch of angry bunnies! ah…come on love!

Mona said nothing.

-I hate that creepy look that orders me to behave….camaaaan….my little pony?

Mona said nothing.

-ok so then I will! Jeesus!

Mona said nothing.

She just got up, turned the lights off and went straight to bed. Poked pitiless by tremendous depths of dispair, Ricky took a deep breath and followed his wife shortly after, yet just before making that final step through the bedroom’s door, he felt a sudden smack on the face by a pillow cutting the air in two from a long distance, yet before he even realized what the heck did just hit him, the port of the currently mysterius chamber was sealed leaving the key unfortunately, on the other side, which dreadful but very much expected ritual, indicated that this night for Ricky, was to be spent on the couch or on the floor or somewhere anyway, but just not there!

Royal pain

At nights, in the darkest chamber of the Buckingham palace, when he can at last be left alone with his thoughts and where noone can witness his unbearable royal troubles, Prince William Duke of Cambridge, breaks down and cries his hazel-blue eyes out in complete despair, wishing he was Nico Evers Swindell…

Experiments on accents (based on a real study)

The American Comito Study is now expanding its research to Europe. They want to see how effective an American accent is in creating sexual arousal in Europeans. The displeased professors stated “It’s not going to be easy and this is outrageous! Europeans don’t always respond to an American accent with arousal and you do realise who is to be blamed for all of our global sexual doom now, don’t you? George W. Bush and the absurd Obama 2009 nobel peace prize! That right! ” It took almost two hours to calm down the professors in order to carry on the experiments. When everything was settled back to normal , three thousand men and women ranging in age from 18 to 54 were monitored to detect sexual arousal after hearing different foreign accents. Women seemed more attracted to accents of the more hot-blooded countries – Spain, Brazil  Greece and such. A few excited females went “weak in the knees” over the British accent, as a proof that it still  remains extremely sexy to the human ear and later, at some critical point, the interesting experiments were interrupted all of a sudden, by a naked madman running furius from room to room, yelling repeteadly “If I had a British accent, I’d never shut up”, making it very hard for the police to decide on whether he should be arrested or inteviewed, as the nude rebel had a good point! 

Dr.House and the shocking news (based on a true story)

“Doctor House MD” turned out to be quite a riddle for the medical society, as the actor playing the pivotal role, is British, speaking in a british accent, plays a character of an American citizen who speaks in the American accent. As a result, this shift has been the cause of the so called “foreign accent syndrome” amongst many of his viewers that had enjoyed his acting skills in the past in “Black Adder”, another famous British show. One of the victims, was a Geogia mom, who went to the hospital with a stroke and came home with a British accent and bad teeth. This is a condition that some of her doctors have suggested is psychological, brought on by stress. No one knows how long the accent will last. But many are tired of her cooking fish and chips and saying “mate” and “jumpers” and “jolly” and her teeth keeping getting worse and worse each day.

“I was speaking to a friend the other day and we were excited about something we were talking about and I was just about to say, ‘Spot on!’ And who says ‘Spot on!’ from South Georgia,” she said. “Mostly I would like to know if there’s someone who maybe has a little more answer on what happened to me, because it’s still quite a question mark,” she said.

There’s always hope for worse

It’s helpful to keep reminding to yourself and repeating the sentence “life isn’t an emergency”, because roses smell better than a cabbage, which fact concludes that it will also make a better soup - logic says it - and after a quick lunch, don’t hesitate; give the world the best you have and it may never be good enough! If the world gives nothing back in return though and you feel cold over this, don’t be dissapointed. Just remember; driving is always better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. If you fall into any of them, don’t forget that it’s snow and it’s white and all bad feelings shall melt away by Spring. 

The amazing adventures of the amazing man called Jo

All the troubles begun, when one very hot day, Jo decided to go for swimming and thus he jumped out his window to run away from his flying boomerang, but he didn’t managed the task quite well and so he threw back his other boomerang made out of paper, which by amazing chance he had kept in his left pocket just in case and yes, this was the case, so he could easily consider himself as a very lucky man; It was then however, when Jo got abducted by aliens, who apparently were jealous of his gorgeus paper boomerang; besides, he had formed this slight suspision a long time ago, when they started leaving threteaning messages on his phone and thus he simply microwaved his phone, but that got them totally insane over Jo and that’s why they decided to abduct him -leaving it all to make sense as you can see clearly so far by the way- but abducted Jo didn’t felt quite comfortable with the decoration in the alien chambers and so he had to propel himself back to earth and then all of a sudden somewhere inbetween stratosphere, his forgotten boomerang came back to him and it poked his eye out. So he had to abort the mission and wait a long time because his vision got damaged. As soon as his eye got well, he landed on the streets and started to run and so he ran and he run and he run until he found the closest beach and then he swam across the world; thus he swam and he swam and he swam until whilst swimming he got eaten by a fish which got eaten by a penguin which got eaten by a seal which got eaten by a dolphin which got eaten by a shark which got eaten by whale. Then, naturally, he tried to get out of the whale and swim back home, but it was then, when he got round house kicked 3 galaxies away by Chuck Norrris who happened to surf nearby and so Jo had to walk back because 3 galaxies away is somewhat a long distance and yes i know that it’s not possible to walk in space and this explains how shortly after he got stuck in time and at that moment, a man named Peter who was passing by, saw Jo and thought Joe was a chair and sat on him. A month passed by like that, until a somebody who apparently also  got round house kicked 3 galaxies away by Chuck Norrris who happened to do something nearby, was passing by and saw chair-Jo under Peter and thought chair-Jo was Elvis and reported him to a famous music producer from Japan. So Jo flew all the way to Japan, where he became famous until someone else discovered that he was actually Jo and not Elvis and definetely not chair-Jo this time and thus the famous music producer went quite mad with Jo over this unwanted surprise and kicked Jo all the way back home. However, it was a long flight back and unfortunately, poor Jo died from hunger whilst floating in the air, which made things really difficult for him, as he really wanted to go for swimming, but he had to dig his way from under the ground for that and so he did, but at the very last moment, as ironic as it may sound, he found out that he got selected to be in the hunger games and this was not a chance that could be ignored just like that but…. he.. um.. you know what happened?..he was defeated right from the first round and died for a second time realising that things didn’t exactly went as planned for him and from his grave he yelled in utter despair “I didn’t get to swim you morons! Are you happy now? and if you must know, I’m not dead enough yet, you filthy bastards! I will come back! just wait and see..Just you wait-and-see!..”

suicide

“That’s it!” said Patricia.. “I can’t bare this any longer; the lighted surname migrates right now!” said she and threw herself out of the window. She lived in the basement..

one modest person

He was modest. He was very modest. He was so modest and he wanted the whole world to know just how modest he was!!!