- Colin: The more a man meditates upon good thoughts, the better his world will be.
- Albert: Don’t say!
- Colin: Yes.
- Albert: Such harmony! but..how?
- Colin: Before going to sleep, imagine better times.
- Albert: Thank you Colin for taking the time and trouble to inform and amuse us!
- Colin: Always at your service!
- Albert: My god!
- Colin: Yes.
- Lois: How can you say you like it, just because it is at the root of the bikinization of jeans? Did you happen to know that their cousin who calls himself “the my gut” and I have skirmished since I first saw pictures of myself in my mind? In fact and if you must know, it became like all the corpulent and corrupt soldier-king types and you very well may hate my guts for saying so, but I think you’re getting gray hair.
- Paul: What has that got to do with my sister in law?
- Lois: Oh, sorry. I must have been confused.
- Paul: So. You think my hair is getting grey huh?
- Lois: Yes, I do. I was trying to tell you in a really polite way; I really think you must consider of starting dying your hair.
- Paul: Wow! I didn’t realise; I thought you said I looked so young and attractive..
- Lois: Bikinization!
- Paul: Come again?
- Lois: Bikinization. It's a bad thing.
- Paul: Are you avoiding the issue?
- Lois: What issue?
- Paul: You lied to me, you terrible terrible woman!
- Lois: Bikinization is a really bad thing.
- Paul: What?
- Lois: Tis!
-I have had 6 hens for 8 days now. I have been hand feeding them treats and hanging out with them for about two hours a day, so they are getting quite tame: they will sit on my lap while eating, come when I call, and poop on me. I took the week off from work so I could spend time with them during their first week home. What is the best way to pet a chicken? I find that they don’t like their backs petted (they lower themselves down towards the ground like they don’t like it) and although they let me stroke their chests they don’t seem thrilled about it. Is it better to stroke their feathers softly or should you pet with enough firmness to feel their skin? (They are so fluffy!) Do they like to be scratched?
-I find they like it if you just gently stroke their wattles. I usually stroke the side of there face. even the back of the head works. Sometimes they will fall asleep. Its not that they dont like there backs petted its that theyre doing the egg squat! they see you as a roo and expect you to do roo things to them rofl
-They are only 5-6 weeks, so I thought they were too young to be thinking those types of thoughts!
-Kids these days. They grow up so fast.
-Sorry if these questions are dumb or strange, but I am a first time chicken owner and just want my ladies to be happy. Not sure if it is important, but I have 2 barred rocks (friendliest), 2 red stars (skittish but mostly friendly) and 2 easter eggers (slowly coming around). Thanks!
-Mine love to be petted on the front of their neck. And they LOVE baby talk! Or maybe its just my widdle chickie wickie poo woos that wike baby waby talkie walkie! They also love the skin under their wings pet gently. My cochin sits there and falls asleep when I do this. Mine seem to be ok with the back pet…they do circles and come back for more. My tame little roo hops into my hand as soon as he sees me. He doesn’t like his back feathers petted but I do it anyway (once or twice), cuz he’s soooo cute and fluffy. He relaxes as soon as I pick him up and wants to take a nap cuddled in my hand. From there it’s a bit of preening and then up to my shoulder. I’ve been wondering too, what they prefer so thanks for the suggestions!
-I just posted the same question about a duck - should have read this post first. So, to clarify, you are just rubbing down the feathers….not really scratching their head like we do a dog, right?
-My new baby chicks love when I hum/sing the theme to the “Titanic” movie. Sometimes I pet them while singing, but so far they just like the theme song best (It makes them go to sleep) They are only 2 days old so there is time.And, yes, my family thinks I’m a little nuts doing this But they are getting used to it. Your chickens already sound quite friendly though.
(almost not altered automatic)
But there comes that time, that very special time; the respectful moment of silenceeee… Shhhh!!! Then my emotions do get the better of me and prerequisite impassioned speech may or may not be present. Chills run up and down my spine and goosebumps make their presence known, as tears pour forth, by cascading down my pale cheeks; and thus, all that happen within that moment of silence as gesture of respect for all the god damn lost times I didn’t just finish off varius dialogues with one simple “WHATtheheckEVER…”
He kind of laughed at me and started asking a few questions about my hands.
-Not only do they offer comfort, or do errands for me, but they literally give me something to live for. Say, I’d like to eat a little something you got. Wondering if you had anything maybe. Your left index perharps? Come on, you got two of them..Feed me and I live give me something to drink and I’ll die what am i?
-ermmm… A cannibal?
-I’m sorry. I must be confused.
-Come on, give me a break over here. God designed these hand made hands and I swear I almost cry everytime I look at them making a scene too horrible for words. Plus, I am hungry
-I didn’t realise you got attached as that!
-and I have! Yes,I have. Yes. Now give me your hand!
“Please don’t scare us like that again glorius Batman! I am notoriously bad at navigating and it’s a good thing I’m not flying anymore” The moment flying Superman pronounced the words he wasn’t suppose to pronounce, he realised he was falling from the skies and when he fell from the skies, he couldn’t get up again and all that la-de-da and as if that wasn’t dissapointing enough, irresistable Batman approached him and said
” I know you’ll have my stocked attention with surprises when I get back loving you again all over the place. Besides, I wasn’t doing anything overly complex, just using the Google GPS App. Yet, don’t worry fallen Superman; you will navigate again the refusals, the requests for further information the redirection and the misdirection. I tell you this as a true friend, an acquaintance, a stranger even and everything in between; a black mask doesn’t look good on everyone. Don’t make this awkward.”
As the displeased Superman had currently lost his ability to fly, he just walked away in terrible shame. It was a strange day..It was!
The American Comito Study is now expanding its research to Europe. They want to see how effective an American accent is in creating sexual arousal in Europeans. The displeased professors stated “It’s not going to be easy and this is outrageous! Europeans don’t always respond to an American accent with arousal and you do realise who is to be blamed for all of our global sexual doom now, don’t you? George W. Bush and the absurd Obama 2009 nobel peace prize! That right! ” It took almost two hours to calm down the professors in order to carry on the experiments. When everything was settled back to normal , three thousand men and women ranging in age from 18 to 54 were monitored to detect sexual arousal after hearing different foreign accents. Women seemed more attracted to accents of the more hot-blooded countries – Spain, Brazil Greece and such. A few excited females went “weak in the knees” over the British accent, as a proof that it still remains extremely sexy to the human ear and later, at some critical point, the interesting experiments were interrupted all of a sudden, by a naked madman running furius from room to room, yelling repeteadly “If I had a British accent, I’d never shut up”, making it very hard for the police to decide on whether he should be arrested or inteviewed, as the nude rebel had a good point!
“Doctor House MD” turned out to be quite a riddle for the medical society, as the actor playing the pivotal role, is British, speaking in a british accent, plays a character of an American citizen who speaks in the American accent. As a result, this shift has been the cause of the so called “foreign accent syndrome” amongst many of his viewers that had enjoyed his acting skills in the past in “Black Adder”, another famous British show. One of the victims, was a Geogia mom, who went to the hospital with a stroke and came home with a British accent and bad teeth. This is a condition that some of her doctors have suggested is psychological, brought on by stress. No one knows how long the accent will last. But many are tired of her cooking fish and chips and saying “mate” and “jumpers” and “jolly” and her teeth keeping getting worse and worse each day.
“I was speaking to a friend the other day and we were excited about something we were talking about and I was just about to say, ‘Spot on!’ And who says ‘Spot on!’ from South Georgia,” she said. “Mostly I would like to know if there’s someone who maybe has a little more answer on what happened to me, because it’s still quite a question mark,” she said.
It’s helpful to keep reminding to yourself and repeating the sentence “life isn’t an emergency”, because roses smell better than a cabbage, which fact concludes that it will also make a better soup - logic says it - and after a quick lunch, don’t hesitate; give the world the best you have and it may never be good enough! If the world gives nothing back in return though and you feel cold over this, don’t be dissapointed. Just remember; driving is always better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. If you fall into any of them, don’t forget that it’s snow and it’s white and all bad feelings shall melt away by Spring.
It’s been way too long since we’ve seen those knowing looks, twinkling eyes and I still remember learning how to do the basic loop-and-through method of the look like she just threw the scarf around her neck and choked herself almost to death.
“This is all excellent” said her husband who just got back from work..”but may I ask what will we eat in the seventh year if we do not plant, since you decided not to cook today?”
She remained silent, which solid manifest and the innocent look on her face, drove him completely nutters and thus he decided to finish off his no-good wife. Before even thinking twice, he approached her in utter despise and unsurpassed dark intensions; yet just before getting his trembling hands around her neck, she burst into tears and suprised him by suggesting to order a pizza. He smiled, she smiled back and then they kissed and words vanished through a pantomime beyond description!
All the troubles begun, when one very hot day, Jo decided to go for swimming and thus he jumped out his window to run away from his flying boomerang, but he didn’t managed the task quite well and so he threw back his other boomerang made out of paper, which by amazing chance he had kept in his left pocket just in case and yes, this was the case, so he could easily consider himself as a very lucky man; It was then however, when Jo got abducted by aliens, who apparently were jealous of his gorgeus paper boomerang; besides, he had formed this slight suspision a long time ago, when they started leaving threteaning messages on his phone and thus he simply microwaved his phone, but that got them totally insane over Jo and that’s why they decided to abduct him -leaving it all to make sense as you can see clearly so far by the way- but abducted Jo didn’t felt quite comfortable with the decoration in the alien chambers and so he had to propel himself back to earth and then all of a sudden somewhere inbetween stratosphere, his forgotten boomerang came back to him and it poked his eye out. So he had to abort the mission and wait a long time because his vision got damaged. As soon as his eye got well, he landed on the streets and started to run and so he ran and he run and he run until he found the closest beach and then he swam across the world; thus he swam and he swam and he swam until whilst swimming he got eaten by a fish which got eaten by a penguin which got eaten by a seal which got eaten by a dolphin which got eaten by a shark which got eaten by whale. Then, naturally, he tried to get out of the whale and swim back home, but it was then, when he got round house kicked 3 galaxies away by Chuck Norrris who happened to surf nearby and so Jo had to walk back because 3 galaxies away is somewhat a long distance and yes i know that it’s not possible to walk in space and this explains how shortly after he got stuck in time and at that moment, a man named Peter who was passing by, saw Jo and thought Joe was a chair and sat on him. A month passed by like that, until a somebody who apparently also got round house kicked 3 galaxies away by Chuck Norrris who happened to do something nearby, was passing by and saw chair-Jo under Peter and thought chair-Jo was Elvis and reported him to a famous music producer from Japan. So Jo flew all the way to Japan, where he became famous until someone else discovered that he was actually Jo and not Elvis and definetely not chair-Jo this time and thus the famous music producer went quite mad with Jo over this unwanted surprise and kicked Jo all the way back home. However, it was a long flight back and unfortunately, poor Jo died from hunger whilst floating in the air, which made things really difficult for him, as he really wanted to go for swimming, but he had to dig his way from under the ground for that and so he did, but at the very last moment, as ironic as it may sound, he found out that he got selected to be in the hunger games and this was not a chance that could be ignored just like that but…. he.. um.. you know what happened?..he was defeated right from the first round and died for a second time realising that things didn’t exactly went as planned for him and from his grave he yelled in utter despair “I didn’t get to swim you morons! Are you happy now? and if you must know, I’m not dead enough yet, you filthy bastards! I will come back! just wait and see..Just you wait-and-see!..”
“That’s it!” said Patricia.. “I can’t bare this any longer; the lighted surname migrates right now!” said she and threw herself out of the window. She lived in the basement..
-I’m sorry.. At the top it says: “OMG I have been offended’. … Tell me what you think
-A wise man once said, “I don’t know, go ask a woman.” p.s. I’m not “offended” by what he said, but we never opened our insides. For our insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.I’m not so good with the advice. can i interest you in a sarcastic comment?
-….. Omg this is so hilarious! Do you REALLY think ESPN said this out of hate for Lin’s race?
-I’m not a sports writer, so I tried to avoid the whole Linsanity phenomenon;
-my …and imagined that some might find it funny, yet I was quite offended by the distasteful “chink in the armor” line.
-I don’t know, I think he said something about retracing our steps to make sure we weren’t being followed? but it shouldn’t take this long since last we met
- nice try but no. we have to be careful to not become too popular and I think if you talk to most parents, they’ll tell you Steve and sorry brother but unlike you, most of us here don’t have to say “thanks” to God or the closeness you feel out of bed and being close to God does bring Atheists, don’t be offended ,because men prefer sex in this order: 1) good sex, 2)any sex.
- I’m NOT master of my domain sex.
-Yes. 49 months and that was a very long time ago..
-I can imagine.